i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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