6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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