The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
