addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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