I just pynch a tree in the face
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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