i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Randomize
