If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
