Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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