ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
