Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
