summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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