We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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