mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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