There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
