I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
