she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
