yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
