Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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