She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
