so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
