Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
