I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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