Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
