... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
