there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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