just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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