You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
