It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
