New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
