Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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