I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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