I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize