I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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