I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think a kid would responsible me up
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dick very happy bro
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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