Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
