is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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