oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
