hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
