dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
