Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
