I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
