...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
