the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
