and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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