also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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