tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
