I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
