Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
