you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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