Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
