Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
