And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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