No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
