wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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