You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
