Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
