If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
