Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
