at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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