I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
