Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Houston, we have a blender
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
