You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
