"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
