she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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