She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
