i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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