I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
