It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
